I set a personal goal for myself of entering and completing a 5K walk (notice I said WALK, not RACE) by the end of the year. This is after I met my personal challenge of 10 minutes on the cross trainer and ½ mile on the treadmill, which was a huge accomplishment (if you are a true athlete this may sound really like a small goal, but believe me it was huge for me.) I hope you are proud as I am!! This was a huge thing for me! I got out from behind my desk and got MOVING! My official advice to you if you are a client or thinking about being a client is -JUST DO IT. This is my soapbox, or one of them.
Alzheimer’s Memory Walk Saturday, October 17, 2009 at 8:00 a.m. :
I decided to do the Alzheimer's Memory Walk, this weekend.
My mom has dementia. Mostly she knows who we are although she gets our names mixed up. She can still read. For a long time she could hardly talk but now she seems chatty and conversational, in a disjointed kind of way, since her meds were changed from Namenda to Aricept. Why, of course, the physicians don't know.
I love my mother so much, I am going to call her up and tell her what I am doing this Saturday. I hope she can understand me – probably not. But that is ok, she knows I love her and am thinking about her every day.
The folks at the Alzheimer's association are really great with me when I asked them about it, and it is something that is really important, so I am going to show up at La Grave baseball field, where the CATS play baseball in Fort Worth, to register at 8 a.m. this Saturday, October 17.
If you would care to join me, come at 8 a.m. to La Grave field to sign up! There is no registration fee but contributions are welcome. It is in Fort Worth on North Main in La Grave field, where the Fort Worth CATS play ball. You simply drive north on North Main Street and turn right on 6th at the entrance to the ball park. There will be plenty of signs. If you run out of gas, I am assured they have golf carts to bring you back to your car, so it is the perfect place to get started exercising with some wonderful people and have some fun.
For information call: Kelli at 817-336-4949, or send an email to wendy.rebecek@alz.org.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
When bad things happen to good fathers
Fathers:
Bad things can happen to good fathers – and their children
Fathers are in a particularly vulnerable position in Texas. I have seen cases where a father has been diligently going to work every day, largely unaware and oblivious of the fact that his wife is slowly turning the children away from him and poisoning their minds towards their father. For years it may look to the father like a surly insubordinate child with bad manners, who openly defies the fathers wishes and ignores or disrespects the father in his attempts to influence and guide the child. The father may feel more and more isolated from the little group that stays at home together – Mom and the kids against Dad. Almost as if Mom were one of the kids, acting as “the big kid who stands up to the bully.” If this situation develops, it is important to intervene as early as possible to get good couples therapy and counseling. Family counseling and a good parenting course can really make a difference in this kind of situation.
If your family life at home is based on a strict code of conduct and rules, and is marked by rigidity and a cold environment, you may have unknowingly entered into the cold waters of parental alienation.
If this family dynamic goes unchecked, (as it sometimes goes unrecognized for years,) it can reach the point where the children do not want to be alone with the father, will not respond to his calls and letters, and even report incidents of physical or sexual abuse that are fabrications. In an extreme case, we have seen two situations in which a teen age child reported facts that were plainly impossible – in one, that the father had planted a camera in an air conditioning duct to observe the child’s private time in his bedroom. It turned out there was no evidence of such a camera or recording device, but the child continued to insist on it and believe it to be true!
This is a very strange situation when it happens and it takes a lot of diligence and persistence and the help of experts such as a forensic psychologist to sort out the truth from the drama that the wife and the children are spinning on the subject. It can lead to a very traumatic and unpleasant divorce, with long-lasting repercussions for the children’s relationship to their father in years to come. As always, the protection of the child and the best interest of the child continue to be the most important thing that we emphasize with our clients in working through the painful process of separating the drama from the facts.
In my next blog I will write more about the use of expert witnesses to help define and identify the situation for you and assist in developing a case for you, if you are the father in a situation of parental alienation. If you believe this may be happening in your home, contact my office directly at 817-335-2037, to set up a consultation. I can give you some guidance about contacting a family therapist or psychologist to begin the long process of building support for you in this trying time.
Bad things can happen to good fathers – and their children
Fathers are in a particularly vulnerable position in Texas. I have seen cases where a father has been diligently going to work every day, largely unaware and oblivious of the fact that his wife is slowly turning the children away from him and poisoning their minds towards their father. For years it may look to the father like a surly insubordinate child with bad manners, who openly defies the fathers wishes and ignores or disrespects the father in his attempts to influence and guide the child. The father may feel more and more isolated from the little group that stays at home together – Mom and the kids against Dad. Almost as if Mom were one of the kids, acting as “the big kid who stands up to the bully.” If this situation develops, it is important to intervene as early as possible to get good couples therapy and counseling. Family counseling and a good parenting course can really make a difference in this kind of situation.
If your family life at home is based on a strict code of conduct and rules, and is marked by rigidity and a cold environment, you may have unknowingly entered into the cold waters of parental alienation.
If this family dynamic goes unchecked, (as it sometimes goes unrecognized for years,) it can reach the point where the children do not want to be alone with the father, will not respond to his calls and letters, and even report incidents of physical or sexual abuse that are fabrications. In an extreme case, we have seen two situations in which a teen age child reported facts that were plainly impossible – in one, that the father had planted a camera in an air conditioning duct to observe the child’s private time in his bedroom. It turned out there was no evidence of such a camera or recording device, but the child continued to insist on it and believe it to be true!
This is a very strange situation when it happens and it takes a lot of diligence and persistence and the help of experts such as a forensic psychologist to sort out the truth from the drama that the wife and the children are spinning on the subject. It can lead to a very traumatic and unpleasant divorce, with long-lasting repercussions for the children’s relationship to their father in years to come. As always, the protection of the child and the best interest of the child continue to be the most important thing that we emphasize with our clients in working through the painful process of separating the drama from the facts.
In my next blog I will write more about the use of expert witnesses to help define and identify the situation for you and assist in developing a case for you, if you are the father in a situation of parental alienation. If you believe this may be happening in your home, contact my office directly at 817-335-2037, to set up a consultation. I can give you some guidance about contacting a family therapist or psychologist to begin the long process of building support for you in this trying time.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Steps you can take to gain gain custody - as a Grandparent or family member:
I will begin this advice by reminding you what you already know:
If you are dealing with a situation of sexual abuse of a child in Texas, you must, by law, report the suspected abuse to the DFPS - Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. There is a hotline in Texas- 1-800-252-5400. Or you can make a report at www.txabusehotline.org.
If there is no evidence of sexual abuse, you must be prepared with a plan of action if you are a grandparent seeking to remove the child from the circumstances they are in. DO NOT EXPECT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES (in Texas) TO TAKE ACTION THAT WILL GIVE YOU CUSTODY OR POSSESSION OF THE CHILD.
Other states have agencies that are charged with intervening to remove children where there is neglect and abuse. If there is clear sexual abuse in Texas, they can and will intervene. If there is not - and even though we may be dealing with neglect and even physical abuse - they often cannot or will not intervene. I have had cases where they walk into a residence, look around, see the clear evidence of abuse and neglect, and then turn around and leave, taking no action whatsoever.
This can be very discouraging for a grandparent or family member. It is shocking sometimes. And truly maddening. You must remember: What is needed for you as a grandparent or concerned family member is a long term strategy. That is because there is no short term fix. Fortunately the court system may allow you to bypass the whole broken bureaucratic nightmare of Child Protective Services. If you can get your case in front of the court.
If you are dealing with a family member who is struggling with drug addiction, or who is placing your grandchildren in an unsafe environment due to abusive or violent behavior in the household, there are steps you can begin to take immediately.
No matter what state you are in, it is necessary in this kind of situation for you to begin building a record. We advise our clients to begin collecting evidence – keep a simple notebook with dated entries of every occasion when evidence was observed of the condition of the children: details of family violence and names of witnesses; details of drug use and names of witnesses or other evidence. If you have information about what drug or drugs are being abused, so much the better. If you have names of police departments, with the dates of police reports, excellent. Names of medical providers and teachers or counselors, neighbors, and church information can all be valuable leads in assembling a record that can be the foundation of a critical mass of evidence for the Court.
We also urge our clients to obtain photographic evidence of the conditions which the child is forced to live in. Digital pictures are best, as they can be uploaded to a CD or displayed to the Court in a digital format.
It may be important for you to take steps to avoid having your access to the child cut off by a parent who is antagonized by your efforts. We often advise our clients to tread very carefully under these circumstances. A lot of information may be hidden from you by your adult child who is struggling with drug addiction or family violence. Often the parent is very ashamed or embarrassed about the situation they have allowed to develop. They may try to hide it and deny, for instance, that the bruises all over a mother’s body are from continuing hidden physical abuse. Every case is different.
Under certain circumstances, you as a grandparent or family member have the statutory authority to take the child for medical, dental, psychological, or surgical treatment (Texas Family Code 32.001.) There are situations where a medical care provider may examine a child without consent of the child’s parents (Texas Family Code section 32.005). And a grandparent or other family member may consent to immunization of the child under certain circumstances. Be sure you obtain legal advice if possible before acting on these statutes.
There are other steps that can be taken, which are dependent on the circumstances of each situation. Please call to make an appointment so that we may discuss with you the details of the case for the child you are trying to protect. And let us help you begin the process of building a strategy that you can begin to implement, in order to assure a safe and loving environment for your grandchild, niece, nephew, or younger brother or sister. Call us at 817-335-2037 to schedule an appointment to analyze the situation and begin the process of evaluating your options.
If possible, you should call us before you call Child Protective Services. That way you can be prepared for some of the ugly surprises that may be in store for you and the children.
If you are dealing with a situation of sexual abuse of a child in Texas, you must, by law, report the suspected abuse to the DFPS - Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. There is a hotline in Texas- 1-800-252-5400. Or you can make a report at www.txabusehotline.org.
If there is no evidence of sexual abuse, you must be prepared with a plan of action if you are a grandparent seeking to remove the child from the circumstances they are in. DO NOT EXPECT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES (in Texas) TO TAKE ACTION THAT WILL GIVE YOU CUSTODY OR POSSESSION OF THE CHILD.
Other states have agencies that are charged with intervening to remove children where there is neglect and abuse. If there is clear sexual abuse in Texas, they can and will intervene. If there is not - and even though we may be dealing with neglect and even physical abuse - they often cannot or will not intervene. I have had cases where they walk into a residence, look around, see the clear evidence of abuse and neglect, and then turn around and leave, taking no action whatsoever.
This can be very discouraging for a grandparent or family member. It is shocking sometimes. And truly maddening. You must remember: What is needed for you as a grandparent or concerned family member is a long term strategy. That is because there is no short term fix. Fortunately the court system may allow you to bypass the whole broken bureaucratic nightmare of Child Protective Services. If you can get your case in front of the court.
If you are dealing with a family member who is struggling with drug addiction, or who is placing your grandchildren in an unsafe environment due to abusive or violent behavior in the household, there are steps you can begin to take immediately.
No matter what state you are in, it is necessary in this kind of situation for you to begin building a record. We advise our clients to begin collecting evidence – keep a simple notebook with dated entries of every occasion when evidence was observed of the condition of the children: details of family violence and names of witnesses; details of drug use and names of witnesses or other evidence. If you have information about what drug or drugs are being abused, so much the better. If you have names of police departments, with the dates of police reports, excellent. Names of medical providers and teachers or counselors, neighbors, and church information can all be valuable leads in assembling a record that can be the foundation of a critical mass of evidence for the Court.
We also urge our clients to obtain photographic evidence of the conditions which the child is forced to live in. Digital pictures are best, as they can be uploaded to a CD or displayed to the Court in a digital format.
It may be important for you to take steps to avoid having your access to the child cut off by a parent who is antagonized by your efforts. We often advise our clients to tread very carefully under these circumstances. A lot of information may be hidden from you by your adult child who is struggling with drug addiction or family violence. Often the parent is very ashamed or embarrassed about the situation they have allowed to develop. They may try to hide it and deny, for instance, that the bruises all over a mother’s body are from continuing hidden physical abuse. Every case is different.
Under certain circumstances, you as a grandparent or family member have the statutory authority to take the child for medical, dental, psychological, or surgical treatment (Texas Family Code 32.001.) There are situations where a medical care provider may examine a child without consent of the child’s parents (Texas Family Code section 32.005). And a grandparent or other family member may consent to immunization of the child under certain circumstances. Be sure you obtain legal advice if possible before acting on these statutes.
There are other steps that can be taken, which are dependent on the circumstances of each situation. Please call to make an appointment so that we may discuss with you the details of the case for the child you are trying to protect. And let us help you begin the process of building a strategy that you can begin to implement, in order to assure a safe and loving environment for your grandchild, niece, nephew, or younger brother or sister. Call us at 817-335-2037 to schedule an appointment to analyze the situation and begin the process of evaluating your options.
If possible, you should call us before you call Child Protective Services. That way you can be prepared for some of the ugly surprises that may be in store for you and the children.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Grandparents: What you must know to get custody of your Grandchildren
Many people remember their grandparents - and see grandparents today - as the emotional anchor of their extended families. It seems intuitively logical that grandparents should have the right, legally, to step in and intervene when they see their grandchildren in situations of abuse, neglect and worse. Drug use of adult children is all too frequent, more so now than before the introduction of cheap, easy to obtain methamphetamines and other street drugs.
This situation has reached crisis proportions in almost every city and town in the country - formerly stable and sober young parents becoming unable to care for their children. And young children left without care, nurturing, guidance, structure. And sometimes without adequate nutrition in situations of filth and even actual physical danger to the child. Family violence of one parent or the other adds an explosive element to this powder keg. And astonishingly, even with deplorable filth, drug use, and family violence, Child Protective Services is often unable to act to protect the children. They may even enter the home, look around, see the filth and neglect, and leave the children with the parent in the same situation in which they found them! Sometimes it is astounding. It is almost always insufficient to cause any real change in the long term conditions in which the children must live.
Grandparents sometimes are forced to watch helplessly in anguish as their young grandchildren go through the tragic lack of care and protection in their fragile formative years, knowing that the children are being exposed to family violence, frequent drug use, and exposure to unsafe persons and circumstances. They watch as they see insufficient or non existent medical care, knowing that they could provide it. They observe serious nutritional inadequacies. They see little to non-existent educational support. And untreated physical and mental health or psychiatric conditions that could permanently scar the child’s development and destroy any hope of a future for that child.
Legally, grandparents have a difficult situation when it comes to what actions they can take through the court system to secure the safety and the well being of the grandchildren they love. Many a grandparent has rescued a grandchild from a household where the parents have become drug addicted. Or have fallen off the deep end and are not functioning as mature, reliable, stable parents. But the path to obtaining the legal right to custody of the child is a long and torturous one. If either parent opposes the grandparent's move to take the child out of such a situation, it can become a bitter and expensive fight. If Child Protective Services becomes involved in the struggle - it can become even more difficult for the grandparents to take possession of the children and protect them. Sometimes Child Protective Services takes aggressive action to prevent family members and grandparents from successfully intervening in parents’ terribly destructive behavior and neglect of the children. And even abuse of the children.
This is where a private attorney can help grandparents overcome the very real obstacles of the bureaucratic and legal system that can prevent effective rescue of their grandchildren.
But I can tell you this: in general, the grandmother or grandfather has the best shot at getting past the first hurdle: STANDING. I will explain more about this in our private, confidential conference in my office. Call for an appointment at 817-335-2037.
This situation has reached crisis proportions in almost every city and town in the country - formerly stable and sober young parents becoming unable to care for their children. And young children left without care, nurturing, guidance, structure. And sometimes without adequate nutrition in situations of filth and even actual physical danger to the child. Family violence of one parent or the other adds an explosive element to this powder keg. And astonishingly, even with deplorable filth, drug use, and family violence, Child Protective Services is often unable to act to protect the children. They may even enter the home, look around, see the filth and neglect, and leave the children with the parent in the same situation in which they found them! Sometimes it is astounding. It is almost always insufficient to cause any real change in the long term conditions in which the children must live.
Grandparents sometimes are forced to watch helplessly in anguish as their young grandchildren go through the tragic lack of care and protection in their fragile formative years, knowing that the children are being exposed to family violence, frequent drug use, and exposure to unsafe persons and circumstances. They watch as they see insufficient or non existent medical care, knowing that they could provide it. They observe serious nutritional inadequacies. They see little to non-existent educational support. And untreated physical and mental health or psychiatric conditions that could permanently scar the child’s development and destroy any hope of a future for that child.
Legally, grandparents have a difficult situation when it comes to what actions they can take through the court system to secure the safety and the well being of the grandchildren they love. Many a grandparent has rescued a grandchild from a household where the parents have become drug addicted. Or have fallen off the deep end and are not functioning as mature, reliable, stable parents. But the path to obtaining the legal right to custody of the child is a long and torturous one. If either parent opposes the grandparent's move to take the child out of such a situation, it can become a bitter and expensive fight. If Child Protective Services becomes involved in the struggle - it can become even more difficult for the grandparents to take possession of the children and protect them. Sometimes Child Protective Services takes aggressive action to prevent family members and grandparents from successfully intervening in parents’ terribly destructive behavior and neglect of the children. And even abuse of the children.
This is where a private attorney can help grandparents overcome the very real obstacles of the bureaucratic and legal system that can prevent effective rescue of their grandchildren.
But I can tell you this: in general, the grandmother or grandfather has the best shot at getting past the first hurdle: STANDING. I will explain more about this in our private, confidential conference in my office. Call for an appointment at 817-335-2037.
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